This guy's got guts!

I am desperate for a job. Let's just get that out in the open. I'm considering becoming a janitor. I mean, why not? I've cleaned my own toilet. How hard can it be? I would do a lot to have work right now, and I'm not afraid of a little shit on my hands.

However, there are some things that would make me squeamish. Donating body parts, for instance. I've considered selling a kidney. Hey, who hasn't in this tough times? I'd sell part of my liver, but it's had a rough three years in law school. I'm not sure it would bring much on the open market. And it just seems like maybe, no matter how desperate I am, I should try to hold on to some things.

Selling other people’s body parts, though? Now that might just be the line I would not cross. Except... $1.5 million is a lot of money. Not a bad take at all for a couple of lazy afternoons of you, a hacksaw, a couple of corpses and a walk-in cooler. Maybe throw in an episode or two of Dexter for inspiration...

Oh, no. You didn't just do that.

Here's a quiz for you. You've just been pulled over for drunk driving. The female cop sits you down on a park bench and turns to prepare the breathalyzer. What do you do?

a) sit quietly
b) make a run for it
c) vomit
d) pass out
e) none of the above

Answer: E. None of the above. No, no, no. You don't do any of the things normal drunk people would do. You're different. You're special. You decide it's the perfect time to "cop" a feel.

As if you weren't in enough trouble already...

You must be better than this child abusing jackass

So, this dad in Oregon, WI got arrested after his son wrote a school essay describing the time his father shot him in the butt for blocking the television set.

Check out the full story here.

I would rather be jobless than that guy!

If you haven't turned to huffing paint, you are OK

This guy plead not guilty to huffing gold spray paint.

I believe him.

If you have avoided huffing paint while job hunting, you are doing well. See, it isn't that bad!